50 replies to this topic

[astromarmot]

Lyrabel, on 16 February 2013 - 12:53 AM, said:

You, kind sir, sound like an extremely interesting person.

But I feel the same you do. Overall when I'm forced to make conversation with other girls, even if we share the same interests.
It does sound cliche but when a group of girls meet for the first time there's the long process of "compliments" like "Oh, lovely dress, shoes, hair, makeup or whatever". I don't really care for any of that. So girls usually end up thinking I'm weird, and, when time comes, are very glad to get away from me.

But I do believe it's the lack of common interests. Though some people, at times, make their best effort to just make you as uncomfortable as you can be.

Thank you for the kind words...given what I've heard from many of my female friends over the years, inane "guy" talk is just slightly more tolerable than inane "girl" talk :-)

[Lyrabel]

astromarmot, on 16 February 2013 - 10:10 PM, said:

Thank you for the kind words...given what I've heard from many of my female friends over the years, inane "guy" talk is just slightly more tolerable than inane "girl" talk :-)

Well, I like people that can express (and create) their own opinions without quoting some politician or news reporter.
Yeah, might be true. Of course depends which kind of girls you meet, and their age.
I wonder why we do that to that to each other, since seemingly we hate it. xD

[Heart Collector]

Lyrabel, on 16 February 2013 - 11:21 PM, said:

I wonder why we do that to that to each other, since seemingly we hate it. xD

It's a human thing. We're probably the most masochistic species out there xD

[Lyrabel]

Heart Collector, on 17 February 2013 - 10:29 AM, said:

It's a human thing. We're probably the most masochistic species out there xD

Ahah. We're all Masochists. Yay!

[astromarmot]

Lyrabel, on 19 February 2013 - 04:21 PM, said:

Ahah. We're all Masochists. Yay!

I'm only a semi-masochist...I stop when it hurts...

[Lyrabel]

astromarmot, on 19 February 2013 - 04:24 PM, said:

I'm only a semi-masochist...I stop when it hurts...

Do you now. Do you. ಠ_ಠ

[jesh]

Kattar, on 27 January 2013 - 04:06 PM, said:

So here's the thing. Someone told me this years ago and it's stuck with me because it's true: The person you are online is the person you actually are in real life. The only difference in real life is that you're inhibited, you think you can't or shouldn't be yourself at any given time.

The speed of conversation is a little different online than it is in real life, but other than that it's not any different. You have to make yourself realize that. If you're witty and knowledgeable online, then you're witty and knowledgeable in real life too. Don't feel like you have to hide who you are. If people don't like it, that's their problem for not being mature enough to get along with someone else. You don't have to love everyone that you have to be around socially, but a mature adult will find a way to be friendly. If people aren't being friendly then they're not worth your concern, and you certainly shouldn't let them make you feel bad about who you are.

Hopefully that made some kind of sense.

I agree 100% with HederaHelix. It took years, but I finally "became" the same person I am online. I think the biggest hurdle is that you have to want to be more social and actually put effort into it, both online and in real life. I can honestly say that learning about someone and getting to know them might be one of my favorite things in the world at this point. When I was 17 and having my first online conversations? ---- no!
I also wanted to add that it doesn't really matter if you have much in common with someone else, because saying 'hi' to a person online for the first time is no different. You don't really have any idea what they like with the exception of whatever game you're playing. It's the desire that's the most important, and that's what people react to, and you being yourself.
If you want to be a more social person, you're the only one stopping you. Good luck everyone.  

[Impmon]

leongrado, on 26 January 2013 - 08:40 PM, said:

I've recently noticed that the drastic difference between how much I talk online and how much I talk in real life. I'm aware that I probably spend too much time on the computer every day but I've never really been an antisocial person....at least online. In real life social situations, I either have nothing to say, or I just simply don't find the conversation interesting and I'm trying to understand why.

Anyone else share these experiences? I can't tell if I'm socially anxious or just completely uninterested in the topics other people are talking about.

I'm pretty much the same.  I've always made enemies online because a great many of you are social introverts in real life who've built up these false persona's and set yourselves up on pedestals & I'm the one who takes them down a notch.  Ain't nobody got time for that.

[Treble]

I am exactly as opinionated IRL as I am online, and I am just as vocal about it IRL as I am online. The only difference being I'm a bit of an awkward person, so it tends to come off as endearing to most, rather than abrasive. Apparently people like awkwardness. Not, like, creepy serial killer awkward, but nerdy herp derp awkward seems to be a thing.

[Whispering Spirit]

Exact same boat here, OP. Except lately I find myself talking less and less online than I used to. All of my friends I've made in games have quit and moved on, and people I see chatting it up are either rude or just don't seem to care when I do try and make conversations with them and seem detached. I've always been pretty socially awkward, and it's disheartening that it seems impossible these days to make a friend in a game because everyone already seems to have their circle of friends and won't welcome anyone else in. Idk. Now I kind of feel like I have a 'DO NOT MAKE CONVERSATION WITH THIS PERSON' sign attached to my character's forehead. Gotten to the point I won't join guilds anymore, because it's the exact same way in them. Everyone's already made their friends, they don't want any more it seems. No matter how friendly I am and how much I try (I may not be good at conversations with new people, but I ALWAYS try and be nice, make people laugh, be helpful, kind etc.), it's always the same.

MMOs do not feel as friendly as they once did. It was once so much easier to make friends in games, even for socially awkward people like myself who have a hard time both irl and online. I can't remember the last time I had a good conversation with someone in game or the last time I even seriously used the chat box for that matter. Except for a couple days ago to answer someone's question in map chat when they asked if we could preview items in the TP (and got accused of mocking him when I said yes and explained how), but that's been the extent of my chat use lately. : /

Oh how I miss the friendlier gaming days when even the shy could make friends.

Edited by Whispering Spirit, 01 March 2013 - 02:42 AM.

[astromarmot]

Whispering Spirit, on 01 March 2013 - 02:39 AM, said:

Oh how I miss the friendlier gaming days when even the shy could make friends.

That was back when it was less mainstream, and there seemed to be way more commonality amongst the online, and in particular the online gaming communities. There was a time when it took at least a little bit of specialized knowledge and some initiative to even get online.  The content was gated, thus it made for a more homogeneous community.
I met both my wives online.  The first on a BBS, the 2nd and current one in IRC....the first was a gamer, the one now, not so much(outside of the original Sims and Rollercoaster Tycoon), but we've been together 15 years, so we must be doing something else right :-)

[raspberry jam]

leongrado, on 26 January 2013 - 08:40 PM, said:

In real life social situations, I either have nothing to say, or I just simply don't find the conversation interesting and I'm trying to understand why.

The common explanation for not having anything to say is a low situational confidence; perhaps you feel a need to impress the other participants in the discussion, and can't find anything that you think is interesting enough, or think that they will just ignore what you say.

Once you stop caring about what people think about you, you will not only find it easier to say things, but you will also find it easier to come up with things to say.

[astromarmot]

raspberry jam, on 01 March 2013 - 03:18 PM, said:

Once you stop caring about what people think about you, you will not only find it easier to say things, but you will also find it easier to come up with things to say.

I'd change "caring" to worrying...as social creatures who, for most of us are at least semi-dependent on functioning among others, we have to have some care for what others think of us, but allowing stress and anxiety to hold sway over that care is a self-fulfilling prophecy...

[raspberry jam]

astromarmot, on 01 March 2013 - 03:26 PM, said:

I'd change "caring" to worrying...as social creatures who, for most of us are at least semi-dependent on functioning among others, we have to have some care for what others think of us, but allowing stress and anxiety to hold sway over that care is a self-fulfilling prophecy...

Sure, maybe "worry" is a better word. But it should be understood correctly. The fear is usually not "he might think that I am stupid (or whatever else) if I say this", but rather it is usually "if I say this, maybe no one will pick up on it/it will not be a useful addition to the discussion".

[Pyrea]

I have my close friends and family who I see every now and then as most have families. Work colleagues I joke around with if I say anything, other than that I like to keep to myself, which is how I play the game. I chat when I feel the need to share something or respond to what someone says. Social interaction though has always been about similar interests. It's always your choice to be who you are but always feel proud of who you are and be yourself

[astromarmot]

raspberry jam, on 01 March 2013 - 03:58 PM, said:

Sure, maybe "worry" is a better word. But it should be understood correctly. The fear is usually not "he might think that I am stupid (or whatever else) if I say this", but rather it is usually "if I say this, maybe no one will pick up on it/it will not be a useful addition to the discussion".

ie...my thought or opinion really isn't important or doesn't matter to those others...

My own personal epiphany was the realization that few things are as disarming, contagious, and connecting as eye contact and a smile...which sadly enough, is nearly impossible to do online...;-)

[Treble]

I see socially awkward people as a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.

In general, people are far more open to others who are open with them. You could say hi to someone, chat with them about anything, and more often than not, they will chat with you back. I've had some pretty cool conversations, waiting for the train, with some pretty intimidating-looking people (read: either thuggish that would beat me up, or high class who look too good to talk to a peon).

But then you have the socially awkward people who worry too much that they might say something uninteresting, so people end up finding them weird or uninteresting because of it.

It's fine to be awkward. Most people think it's cute. But socially awkward is another matter. Not trying to put anyone down. Quite the opposite. Just burst your protective bubble and get out there. Then again, no one really ever takes social advice.

Edited by Treble, 01 March 2013 - 04:55 PM.

[raspberry jam]

astromarmot, on 01 March 2013 - 04:33 PM, said:

ie...my thought or opinion really isn't important or doesn't matter to those others...

My own personal epiphany was the realization that few things are as disarming, contagious, and connecting as eye contact and a smile...which sadly enough, is nearly impossible to do online...;-)

This is so true. And it's always easier to talk to someone once you get them to smile...

Treble, on 01 March 2013 - 04:53 PM, said:

You could say hi to someone, chat with them about anything, and more often than not, they will chat with you back.

I actually love doing this. It's almost addictive.

[Cube]

I find myself being really socially awkward/nervous in almost every encounter now. I didn't use to be, but the thought of being there alone talking to someone who is talking about their life which is so goddam uninteresting, or what they did at school/work or how I'm doing kills me. I now will not meet up with someone unless we're three people. Because that is the only way for me to be able to socially interact with a friend, unless it's online.

I cannot be alone with any friend but one, and even being with her is seriously difficult sometimes. I find myself lost for words, and repeat topics because I don't know what to say.

I'm 100% the person I am in games. But I don't show most of that in real. Only with extremely close friends. It doesn't really have to do with that I don't want people to like me, it's more about finding anyone who is the same as me and the ones I have found I have lost because I'm an introvert(surprsingly). Who is also weird, awkward, full of opinions and have enough courage to be that way outside the door of their home. My biggest problem is rather being alone in being weird. And the fact that the feeling it gives me when I have tried to be myself around people who are normal(aka seriously boring people) often ends up in me getting really weird stares. And just fuels the feeling of me feeling I don't fit in. I am still searching for a friend who is the same as me. Then when I started to play online I kinda realized that there was tons of people like me, they just tend to be the same way as me also, they stay online xD

I definitely think I need to get more out there, and 'burst' the bubble like some call it here. But I think that's the same as when it was with my anxiety. You can tell someone it as many times as you want, but it takes time and courage before you can learn to control it or live with it, and in the end completely get rid of it.

Edited by Cube, 01 March 2013 - 06:28 PM.

[raspberry jam]

Cube, on 01 March 2013 - 06:23 PM, said:

I'm 100% the person I am in games. But I don't show most of that in real. Only with extremely close friends. It doesn't really have to do with that I don't want people to like me, it's more about never finding anyone who is the same as me. Who is also weird, awkward, full of opinions and have enough courage to be that way outside the door of their home. My biggest problem is rather being alone in being weird. And the fact that the feeling it gives me when I have tried to be myself around people who are normal(aka seriously boring people) often ends up in me getting really weird stares. And just fuels the feeling of me feeling I don't fit in. I am still searching for a friend who is the same as me. Then when I started to play online I kinda realized that there was tons of people like me, they just tend to be the same way as me also, they stay online xD

Not to be rude but most of the people you describe as "normal" are just like you, but they don't show most of that in real life.

[astromarmot]

The Internet:  Normalizing the abnormal since 1993ish...normal is a facade and as much as I hate "reality" TV it really does reflect how genuinely dysfunctional(relative to the commonly-held misconception of what's normal) most peeps are underneath their public persona...