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GW2 2012 Best (Worst) of Awards
It’s that time of the year again! Where we look back into the previous year and project into the new year. To make the best of 2013, we have to look at the good, the bad, and the awful in 2012. So in the spirit of the Golden Globe and everything else award related, <IRL> brings you the “2012 Guild Wars 2 Best of/Worst of and Everything in Between Award”. The 2012GW2Bo/WoaEiB award is the most prestigious award of GW2, because this is the only one that exists! It is based on prejudice, bias, stereotyping and to some extent lack of apparent knowledge of the game, proudly brought to you by all of the 5 active members in <IRL> (if you know what an iron ring is, HIGH FIVE!), so sit tight tight, (or sit back?), and feel free to agree to disagree! We would love to hear what you think, because we certainly won’t care what you say!
I. Profession Awards:
1. Best professions that seems like they are busy but aren’t doing anything award:
Award Description: They make a scene, they demand your attention, they radiate with apparent importance by shouting on top of their lungs and being colorful, they steal away your envy by leaping back and forth going in and out. Then you notice that they’re just randomly pushing buttons.
The Nominees:
- Elementalist: For all the particle effects, and the urge to let everyone know each time they switch and attunement.
- Mesmer: For the ability to make everything purple
- Thief: LEAP! SPIN! ROLL! EVADE! SOMERSAULT!
Stand there and move only when you have to? Thieves will have none of that. They’ll run around the boss and swing their hands like a child desperate of attention, or as my guildmates likes to put it: a stabbed Kangaroo!
2. Profession that does a lot of work but no one notices award:
Award Description: You make it to the end of the dungeon and suddenly, a creepy thought occurs to you --- There’s not 4, but FIVE people in your group! How is that possible? Where and who is that fifth person! No wonder you feel that your run had been extra smooth despite having only 4 people.
The Nominees:
- Grenadier Engineer: For it’s 25 stacks of vulnerability
- Ranger: longbow shortbow bleed pierce move to the back pet control and all that, but sorry I don’t have a telescope, I can’t see as far as 1400 yards.
- Necromancer: Still scratching our heads on how they can be useful.
Common guys, why do no one appreciates engineers. We are giving them this one just so they can win something!
3. Profession most likely to end up dead in a dungeon award:
Award Description: They’ll trip over a rock by the way point and die to that. They’ll press space bar and die from fall damage. They’ll heal themselves to death. And they drown.
The Nominees:
- Thief (D/D Glass Cannon): No one goes from a somersault to dead on the floor so gracefully and smoothly like a D/D thief.
- Elementalist (D/D Glass Cannon): Fight like a warrior, wear toilet paper
- Warrior (Signet): Hit like a truck, drop like a stone.
Every piece of tile I walk by in a dungeon, I feel it is smeared with D/D thieves:D
4. Top Complainer award
Award Description: Do you ever wonder what you’re doing wrong and how bad you are in life? He’ll tell you, he’ll tell you no matter what. He’ll tell you in the middle of a boss fight, he’ll tell you when you’re afk, he’ll even tell you when he himself is afk.
The Nominees:
- Thief: Twitchy class results in twitchy behaviors.
- Warrior: “I never die, why do you die”.
- Ranger: Too much to complain about the class, so... they end up complaining a lot!
Somehow thieves just... talks a lot both in game and outside in the community. Maybe it’s just the lone wolf lifestyle, or their frequent backstabbing business that makes them... a bit antisocial. Well deserved win!
5. Most silent profession award
Award Description: ...
The Nominees:
- Engineer: ...
- Necromancer: ...
- Guardian: ...
… … …
6. Best Profession to annoy you despite being nice and polite award
Award Description: “I am rain and ice!” “Shake it off!” “Retreat!”, too much color on your screen, too many things stacking on the boss, or that big Norn booty is simply constantly in your face --- You can’t help but feel annoyed by all these.
The Nominees:
- Elementalist: If they switch attunement too much they are annoying, if they don’t they are bad at the profession, sad..
- Ranger/Necro: You just can’t help but feel that sour taste in the mouth when you see one join you in high level fractal
- Mesmer: Just because you like purple, doesn’t mean the whole world should be purple.
- Norn/Char: Mister, are you here in this jumping puzzle just to troll me?
"Elemental fire, obey me!" "I am the flames!" "Consuming Fire!",
"Elemental air, heed me!" "I am the wind!" "Join as (or joyous? o_O) Air!",
"Elemental water, attend me!" "I am rain and ice!" "Persistent Water!",
"Elemental earth, hear me!" "I am rock and soil!" "Solid Earth!",
, etc, etc... or it could be "element of" =.=, well, w/e. Also a special shoutout to the male Sylvari’s, we like their indian-like accent twist.
7. Best profession you will shamelessly embrace despite being a jerk award
Award Description: Dignity is sometimes a luxury, especially if someone is desperately needed in your group, OR that bad behaviour is already expected of them.
The Nominees:
- Mesmer: The idea of asking for portal fee has come across every mesmer’s mind, sometimes even quite vocal about it, so what do you usually do? You roll your eyes while typing a lot of “Plz”s and “Thank You!!”s.
- Guardian: Need a guardian, just a guardan, everything else is a bonus!
- Thief: We love you!! (only because of your stealth)
What else is there to say? Nothing really... Just need a guardian, PLEASE!!!
8. Best taste in fashion award
Award Description: They have the wisdom to make up a profession population of primarily human females. They have the good fashion sense of wearing as little as possible. And most importantly, you KNOW they’ll easily spend 20 gold to get that helm that you’ve just posted on the TP because it matches their boots.
The Nominees:
- Elementalist: We like their ability to decorate themselves with elements of nature
- Mesmer: We like the fact that showing a lot of skin is a necessary part of their profession.
- Ranger: Can get away with anything with a cute pet beside them.
There is a reason why mesmers dominate the human nobility. Queen Jennah, Courtess Anise. Clothes and fashion and looking good is part of their profession, and they are rich, killer combo!
9. Worst taste in fashion award
Award Description: Sometimes you wonder, how did they live to level 80 without ever tempted to look into the mirror.
The Nominees:
- Necromancer: No matter what they wear, they still only attract rotten flesh, insects, and foul smell.
- Guardian: Dress like a warrior, only talk about magic.
- Engineer: Have you ever seem a good looking engineer? (both in game and IRL?)
No one looks good in working suits holding heavy duty tool covered with a hard hat sweaty under the sun.. oh wait a minute... inappropriate pictures are forming in my head...
II. Dubious Mentions:
1. Best spec that no one played award
Blind Spamming thieves!
There is no fun making here, go play them!
2. Worst spec that everyone played award:
A tie between signet warrior and 2222 thieves.
Stay classy!3. Top (or worst?) combat noises:
- Sylvari females being attacked VO: Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
- The army of Rabsovich: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Glitched Raving Asura: Best remix ever.
- "lagg!."
- "They are all focusing on me!."
- "bug!."
- Male Asura: "I feel six feet tall"! - only in your fantasy
- Lionguard Lyns: "all contributions goes to the rebuild of Lion's Arch!" - I’ve been giving weapons armor and food for 3 months and now you have only managed putting up a wooden scaffold and two unfinished fish.
- “I have everything you need!” - Of course, Parsley is all I need!
- Airplane: I’m like an airplane running into fight like a shooting star~~~~
- Sit Jump:Pity, nearly resulted in the entirety of our guild rage quit the game.
- Flamethrower Ooze: Don’t really mind seen them around.
- Land shark: You think you have seen everything Tyria has to offer?
- The Commando: teased me good!
- Near Edge Jumping Glitch: this has raised a lot of self doubt before we knew about the bug. Know that heart sinking feeling? Expecting a jump while you walk off the edge?
- The Raining Dye Bug: We all thought we can afford to look good now! We can’t be more wrong... Didn’t cash in when unidentified dyes were 2 silver each and black dye were 1.5 gold each? *Yao Ming Face*
Oh good ol’ fractals, you think we forgot about them huh? WRONG! It’s the only thing people cared about in the past 2 month, so we feel it is necessary to honor the heroes who have contributed the most to cause of jumping into random places through space and time and killing everything for no apparent reason. We have also included a short version of the transcripts of the winning speech.
1. Urban Battleground
STAR: Elementalist
“Thank you, thank you. Well you see, it all came very natural to me, everything on staff being an Aye Oh Yee and all. My instructor had once told me that I had a problem with focus --- Get it? GET IT?! Focus! … What, I think that’s funny.”
2. Swamp
STAR: Mesmer
“You know, people have gotten so much better with wisp carrying, that is just aweful. Like, SO not fair. You know what? They should make the floor in swamp covered with traps that strip away stability and swiftness. Yeah that’s right, bring me or beat it girl!”
3. Raving Asura
STAR: Engineer
“It’s indeed pretty sweet that I can hit those harpies from below the platform... What? That’s not why I won? I won because of the glitch? Oh that’s just such an insult! I mean I can’t even.... No no no don’t kick me I’m putting turret down now...”
4. Volcano
STAR: Guardian
“I hear you are wiping on worms. So I thought to myself: how pathetic. Let me show you how much better your life would be with ME in it.”
5. Frost
STAR: Thief
“It’s not an easy win, those pesty mesmers have stealth too, and this spy kit thing is really bad for business. But of course, we still get some cash, because mesmers are a bunch of sissies and the Charrs in Ash Legion apparently don’t move.”
6. Dredge
STAR: Mesmer
“Oh the second one of the day, as expected. Why? Because I’m sexy and awesome that’s why. Yeah that’s right, it’s all about feedback timing baby... What’s that? You’re bringing me because of the portal glitch? Whaa... I don’t even... “
7. Underwater
STAR: Engineer
“Oh that is just so biased, what if I don’t use grenade huh? What if... No no no don’t kick me I’m switching now...”
8. Cliffside
STAR: Warrior
“Oh yeah, give the warrior an award because he didn’t win anything, real mature, real mature... And yes I’ll still take it. Suck on that Necros.”
9. Solid Ocean
STAR: Ranger
“Hey, hey! I’m here! No that’s my pet! Yeah I know he’s the one who ACTUALLY did the rezzing, but you see... No Snoopy don’t chew on that mommy needs it to show off!”
Overall
STAR: Guardian
“What would you do without me. Heh.”
GLHF 2013!!!!!!
P.S: If you are a winner, Feel free to pm for in game cookies.
