You are moving a couch one day when Dave says oh hey let me help you with that all I do is live in a van and I know a lot about booze but I don't actually do anything. And he says it with a really nasal lisp.
Then suddenly the heavens open up and a beam of light shines down on Dave and gives him the power to shoot lightning bolts out of his ass. He uses this amazing new power exactly once to save a kitten from being baked into a pie. The three largest governments on earth are so taken with Dave they dissolve their laws and pledge allegiance to him.
And Dave decides he likes you so now every soldier in the world is told you are Dave's personal slave. Dave makes you clip his toenails and pick up his dry cleaning but h also makes you solve world hunger, cure AIDS, end racism and regulate the temperature of the planet.
With each assignment completed everyone talks more about how great Dave is and he becomes king of earth.
But that rug really tied the room together...did it not?